Most Annoying Stratego Behaviors

[sadistic]

Below is a list of common strategies, ploys, and foul behaviors utilized by some of the lower grade rectum hounds of gravon. I also included some of my "home-grown" recipes for rehabilitation.

1. Stalling turns - This one is very annoying and quite effeminate. The player waits approximately 10 minutes or so to move because he is usually struggling with the notion of being dominated by another man. He fails to realize that it is just a game and that he will not have to sacrifice his woman to the jism-rich victor.

suggested therapy and supplies - (1 roll of duct tape, scissors, 1 gallon of boiling water, shaving razor, a well constructed wooden or metal chair and a dictionary) Guide the patient to the chair where he shall be seated comfortably. Do not inform him of your therapy method until he is firmly duct taped to the chair. Once duct taped, shave a bald spot on the very top of his head and give him a dictionary to read. Tell him to read each word and definition aloud, on a single page. Allow him 10 seconds to complete the page. At every 5 second interval following the initial 10 second allowance, drip a drop of boiling water on the bald spot of his head. Do not allow extra time for screaming, wincing or any other ensuing reactions to the therapy. This method may seem severe but it is the most effective means of teaching the patient the value of time.

2. Hempecking - A very annoying strategy where the player brings up a piece, takes one of your pieces, then retreats. I am not talking about a single isolated incident. I am talking about a series of the same movements, resulting in the loss of significant junk pieces of yours.

suggested therapy and supplies - thumb tacks, 1 gallon of boiling water, a water pistol, blindfold and a roll of duct tape. Place about a 4 foot strip of duct tape on the ground. It will serve as the line of scrimmage. Make sure the patient is barefoot. Place a handful of tacks on the ground, behind the line of scrimmage. Place the blindfold over the patients eyes and tell the patient to stand just in front of the duct taped line of scrimmage. Stand approximately 10 feet in front of the subject. With the water pistol filled with the boiling water, tell the patient to take on step forward. Every time he steps forward, squirt him in the face with the water. If he backs up and steps on the thumb tacks, continue soaking the screeching fool with the hot water. This therapeutic method will instill the fear of retreat in his mind. He might not be as effective a player, but he will be a hell of a lot less annoying, as long as you can tolerate any occasional hesitation from nervous twitches which may result from the therapy.

[sadistic]

3. Vacationing - When a player leaves gravon repeatedly only to return, etc., etc.

suggested therapy and supplies - (A bath tub full of freezing, cold water and several small, electrical appliances) Allow the patient to sit in the cold water, using force if necessary. Every time the patient tries to step out of the water, drop a plugged-in appliance into the bath tub; sparks, bellows and a bit load of fun! Continue doing this until the water is warm at which time the therapy should be complete. This technique will instill the value of persistence, perseverance and commitment.

4. Baseless Piece Dancing - Your opponent has given up any type of offense and is merely prancing one piece from one side to the other. This usually occurs when your opponent is at a disadvantage and does not wish to move any other pieces, which you would then target.

suggested therapy and supplies - (An aroused male horse, a vile of female horse ovulation hormone) Refer to #1 as the patient needs to learn the value of time, first. However, if the player is a male, he also needs to learn the definition of manhood. Douse patient thoroughly with female horse hormone and place him in enclosed barn area with an aroused male horse. Let nature do its thing until the patient realizes that it is advisable for him to be reacquainted with his role as a man and that the role of a female is not always desirable.

5. Chasing - Baseless chasing of a single piece when there isn't any possibility of trapping it.

suggested therapy and supplies - (clamping device with locking mechanism as well as therapy from #1) Use same therapy as #1 in order to teach the value of time. Include clamping device for traditional "Purple Nut Twister" therapy.

Now, some of you might be aghast at my therapy methods. However, they come with a 100% guarantee and consider this; has rational suggestion worked? Has reason worked? I rest my case!

[antares]

Damn it, we seem to need him like the Pope needs his balls - but this time he managed to post one good one! (Or 2, if you like, out of 377...). Carry on, cowboy, I believe in you!

gg, Ant
_________________
Ease on Perth!

[sadistic]

Antares, denying the brilliance of my past posts is not a convincing prerequisite for admission into my fan club. Shall I name a few literary masterpieces of mine, donated to the gravon cause? How about "Sabba takes a Bath", "Sprucing up the nicknames", " 'Pretty Boy' Max gets waxed", "Where does your greatness come from, Sadistic?" etc. Show some respect, boy! Is there any doubt as to who is the king of the forum?

[esquire]

Hmm....

Player #2--that is a legal, but annoying move. This is easy to counteract though-setup traps, make the player come deeper into your zone, use bigger pieces to attack or leave alone, or best of all--use a combination of different pieces ranging in values to put an end to this.

Player #4--I have nothing against this type of player. If you trap his pieces, you do not need to worry about it. But if you fail to trap them, it is very tough to play this type of game. The best way to counteract this type of player is to save your scouts for the endgame, keep their piece to one side of the board, and eat up pieces that they cannot protect. The rationale for their moves is that they are totally defeated and have no chance of advancing pieces to your area--so I do agree with this style of play later in the game. My reasoning is that if you blow up enough pieces then I will attack again. I know this is lame, but unless get caught back up, why the hell should I just hand you over more pieces when I am unable to protect them?

Player #5--I cannot stand this-and I agree this type of player should have to write-out 1,000 times, "I will not chase pieces that have no chance of being captured." Writing this repeatedly 1,000 times will surely make this player hate repetitive, tedious, and ignorant acts, as much as the rest of us do already. Maybe instead, an easier way would be to direct this type of player to the rules of the game, but for a player that uses this tactic, I am unsure if they could actually read them.

The other players (#1 & #3) should be banned from Gravon, Gravon should have a banned list to allow everyone to see this shame on display (it would be nice to have the banned list state the reason(s) for their dismissal), and then allow Sadistic to use any means he deems "reasonable."

[sadistic]

Lucius just reminded me of one of the most common maladies infecting gravon; the "Escapee". This swine leaves the room when he is hopelessly behind and wishes to make his victor wait 15 minutes before being rewarded the game.

suggested therapy and supplies - (a massage bench, roll of duct tape [god bless this stuff] and a weighty, lustful, unshaven female). Do I need to explain? *** Sorry this is nothing to be read by children *** This is a rather severe treatment and I will not deny this fact. I ask fellow gravonians, hasn't this problem run amok at our beloved game site? I think it is time to address it with a lethal dose of corrective therapy, Sadistic style.

[jerry]

Hehehehehe....


Jerry.

[esquire]

Kind of boring that nobody else will respond.......